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Dating apps make easier to find people but harder to establish relationships

Yes, almost all gay and bi guys I know have used these dating apps – mostly Grindr or Scruff – to get hook ups or one night stands. I, personally, used to take these apps to find some guy, mostly for sex. And, truth, I never expected more than this. But, of course, not all times I had sex through these apps and some guys never showed up.

But it was when I were under 30. It’s difficult to admit that somethings change when we turned 30. One of these things I feel that changed was the way I feel about loneliness and to get to know new people and bring them to my life. And how tired I was to use my energy trying to conquer someone to be more than a hook up. All in vain.

No, I am not saying I am lazy. It’s not that. I am saying to get to know people besides their sexual desires. We are not just top or buttons, we are a whole, a lot of things and we rarely have the chance to know it on them. The main reason is that we are not comfortable, as man, to expose our feelings to another man.

Men try not to expose themselves. They don’t want to related to these apps

Men are taught not to love or expose their feelings of love for another man, even when they are not gay. I find it when I watched “The Normal Heart”, there’s a line that says about it. And I realize I am like this. But it’s not just because I feel afraid of what other people will think. It’s because I don’t feel I can do that.

And part of this feeling has to do with dating apps. They have made sex easier but also have made relationships a lot harder. And sometimes I feel I can deal with that using these apps.

I feel I keep to get to know people not just for friendship. I also feel that one for me is not in these apps. Maybe he be around there, I just have the chance to know him without looking just for sex.

Not all things in a life-long relationship have to do with sex. It’s a part of it. But also are companionship, complicity, knowing each other’s likes and dislikes, knowing each other’s good and bad things. We tend to show just our good side. We are whole. Not a part.

And I am searching for a whole.

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Written by Israel Anderson

Jornalista por formação, cineasta por estudos e curioso por natureza. Internet por paixão.

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